The Art of Conversation: Change Your Life with Confident Communication
Good conversation is at the heart of networking, meetings, interviews, negotiations and raising your profile.
It can ease your way in work, enabling you to build alliances, create strong relationships with staff, bosses and clients, succeed at interviews, motivate and inspire.
But conversation is something most of us were never taught! We learn to speak as babies, but "how "conversation actually "works "is something most of us pick up only haphazardly, and many have yet to learn. Why is it some of us are stuck for words, but others blabber or can't stop? What is it that some people have naturally which enables them to converse comfortably and easily, to engage people and build better relationships?
"The Art of Conversation "will show you step by step how to converse skillfully and enjoyably with other people, at home, at work, on the phone and in the street- even if you're daunted now, discover the difference good conversation can make in every aspect of your life. Learn to:
-Overcome the most common block to good conversation- fear; find out how to break the silence and keep the conversation going
- Understand the different types of conversation and how they work- which topics and language are suitable for the occasion
- Learn simple methods for being heard and understood, including speaking clearly and audibly, listening well and using non-verbal communication
- Find out how to hold a conversation in tricky situations, including how to disagree, how to speak to those in authority and people you find difficult
-Use conversation to form relationships, improve friendships, make the sale, chat people up, to learn, influence and persuade.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRO 1. INTRODUCING CONVERSATION
1. Normal and everyday
2. The key to many doors
3. What this book is and isn't
1. THE DANCE OF CONVERSATION
1. The dance of conversation
2. A subtle human art
3. The traditional 'conversationalist'
4. What's conversation for?
2. CONNECTING IS WHAT MATTERS MOST
1. Conversational Drains
Enthuso-bore
Robo-chore
Echo-bore
The Ego-bore
Queen of Gossip
Moaning Micky and Minnie
2. Finding common ground
Favourite objects of attention
3. Non-verbal connection
Body language
Voice tone
4. Energetic connection
5. Flexibility
Dealing with 'drains'
3. GETTING IN THE RIGHT STATE
1. Looking at lack of ease
2. Managing your state
3. Breathe
4. Move
5. Collecting positive states
6. Staying present and aware
7. Focusing outside yourself
8. Dealing with silence
9. Curiosity
10. Trusting yourself and others
4. GETTING A CONVERSATION GOING — THE BASICS
1. Breaking the silence
2. Make a comment
3. Float in a simple question
4. Try a comment followed by a question
5. Introduce yourself positively
6. Keeping the Conversation Going
7. Adding a little extra
8. Taking it gently
9. Open questions
10. Stories
11. Dropping conversational clues — and picking them up
5. LISTENING
1. How well do you listen
1. What can happen instead of listening
2. Rehearsing your own piece
3. Daydreaming
4. Pretending to listen
5. Non-listening
6. Filtering the communication
7. Judgement
8. Playing the psychiatrist
9. Reassuring or diverting
2. How to listen well
3. Show that you're listening
4. Freeing yourself to listen
5. Deep listening PART 2: THE POWER OF CONVERSATION
6. INFLUENCING A CONVERSATION
1. Know your intention
2. Leading through connection
3. Creating movement
4. Influence can be as gentle as a story
7. DIFFERENT KINDS OF CONVERSATION
1. Thing Talk
2. Action talk
The art of small talk
3. Head Talk
Exchange of ideas
Exchange of opinions
Wit
4. Heart Talk
Emotional support
Intimate conversation
Risk taking
5. Transparent/Inward/Intimate Talk
Presence in Aikido
6. Generative Talk/Soul Talk
7. Progressing through talk-types
8. EXPRESSING YOURSELF
1. Expressing you — voice
Be understood Speak with flow Getting rid of useless fillers Expressing interest and sounding interesting
2. Expressing you — body language
3. Expressing you — your emotions
Influencing with your emotions
4. Expressing the real you
5. Dancing with language
Finding a common language Playtime with language Negative language Language Habits Big effect of small words Language of Influence? PART 3: CONVERSATION IN PRACTICE
9. SAILING THROUGH TRICKY WATERS
1. What to do if you're stuck
Stop faking it Slowing down Be careful what you ask Know which "rules" you're playing Being flexibile
2. Oiling the wheels
Comment on what you've already heard Offer a prompt Encouraging nods and grunts
3. Spotting the Games People Play
The status game The manipulation game Role playing Naming the game
4. Enjoying disagreement
5. Confrontations
Handling feelings with skill Checking your assumptions Assertive method/Taking the initiative/What to say
10. CONVERSATIONS IN A PROFESSIONAL CONTEXT
1. Conversations in the workplace
Role playing Small talk at work Negative small talk Meetings, Jousts and Debates Facilitating Group Conversations skilfully/Meaningful conversationsConversational style — Coaching style rather than control/command
2. Networking
Being the best of you — as written at beg. Of chapter. — Clear/honest Giving and taking Probing questions Abundance Error! Bookmark notdefined.Avoiding the networking nerd — and avoiding being one! Seizing the day Moving on
3. Job Interviews
Creating a conversation Busting the men/women myths
4. Conversations in the media
Stage-crafted conversations /Most media interviews pre-plannedDesire for black/white Confrontations Media chat If you want something fresh and new, you need time Time factors — no time for conversation to grow Fine media interviews that are conversations Genuine interactions Conversational style solos
5. Conversations to create personal change
Key Points Coaching and counselling conversations Building advanced questioning skills Using deep listening skills Bus-stop break-throughs PART 4: CONVERSATIONS CHANGING THE WORLD/ BIG CONVERSATIONS
1. Conversations to Change the World
Negotiation High level conversations
2. &am
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